Allah's Messenger (sas) said:
Úóäú ÃóÈöí åõÑóíúÑóÉó Úóäú ÇáäøóÈöíøö Õóáøóì Çááøóåõ Úóáóíúåö æóÓóáøóãó ÞóÇáó ÇáúãóÑúÁõ Úóáóì Ïöíäö Îóáöíáöåö ÝóáúíóäúÙõÑú ÃóÍóÏõßõãú ãóäú íõÎóÇáöáú.
From Abu Huraira from the Prophet (sas) who said: Every person is upon the religion of their dear friend, so let each of you look [carefully] who they befriend.
KNOW that not everyone is acceptable for your friendship. Those who you take as friends must have certain qualities and attributes which makes friendship with them something lawful and desireable. Friendship is often sought for strictly worldly benefits such as benefitting from another's wealth or reputation or for the mere pleasure of "company", being together and conversation. That is not our purpose here. As for friendship for the sake of Islam, it could include a number of objectives. One might benefit in the reputation of another as a protection from those who would contaminate his heart and divert him from worship of Allah. You may benefit directly from your friend knowledge and good works. You may benefit from the wealth of a friend that which frees you from spending all of your time chasing after your provision. Or they may just generally help you with your needs so they become your preparation for hard times and your strength in all times. With righteous friends, you may come to benefit from their shafaa'a (intercession) before Allah on Qiyama or they from yours. This intercession is only by Allah's permission and only for whom Allah permits and only with what words Allah permits, and we have no knowledge that any particular person will be allowed to intercede for another. Thus, if we believe that so-and-so among the people WILL intercede for us if we befriend them and please them in this life, we believe a lie. On the other hand, if we consistently select the best of Allah's servants we can find as our friends in this life, we maximize our chances of having a believing soul to intercede on our behalf before Allah Most High. Som of the early generations used to say: "Have many brothers, for every believer has an intercession.
In general, anyone you choose as a companion or friend should possess five qualities: 1) intelligent and sane, 2) of good character and manner, 3) not engaged in moral corruption, 4) not engaged in innovations in religion and 5) not obsessesed with wealth and the things of this life.
1) Intelligence. This is the most basic capital (resource). There is no good in companionship of the incompetent (al-ahmaq) for they will seek to benefit you but only harm you. What is meant here by intelligence is the one who understands things as they really are. That can either be on their own ability or that when things are made clear to them they understand.
2) Good Character. This is a necessity for even the intelligent one as described above can be overcome by anger or desires and obey his desires (hawaa). In such a case, there is not good in companionship with him.
3) Not Morally Corrupt. Such a one does not fear Allah. You never know what can come from him and he cannot be trusted.
4) Not an Innovator. You must fear having compansionship with such a one because it becomes disobedience on your part if you have admonished him but he has not stopped.
Umar ibn Al-Khattab said: "You must seek out friends of truthfulness and honesty and live in their protection. They are beauty in good times and provision in bad times. Always assume the best about your brother unless and until something reaches you which removes you from him. Steer clear of your enemy. Beware of your friend except for the trustworthy. And there is no trustworthy one but he who fears Allah. And do not accompany the corrupt lest you learn some of his corruption. And do not divulge your secrets to him. And with regard to your affairs, always consult those who fear Allah Most High."
Yahya ibn Mu'adh said: "The worst of friends is the to whom you need to say, 'Remember me in your du'a.' and the one you live with in mere socializing and the one from whom you must excuse yourself."
A group entered the house of Al-Hassan while he was sleeping. Some of them began eating some fruit which was in his house. Upon awaking, he said 'May Allah have mercy on you. This, by Allah is the action of brothers.'"
1) helping to fulfill their needs. This is on three levels:
a) Fulfilling their needs when they ask you and you are ablewith a cheerful and positive attitude.
b) Fulfilling their needs without any need for them to ask you.
c) Giving their needs precedence over your own needs.
There were among the companions (ra) some who continued to look in on the children of their brothers forty years after their death and step forward to meet their needs.
2) Regarding your tongue - keeping silent at times and speaking up at times.
Keeping quiet. Do not mention his faults in his presence or in his absence. Refrain from rebutting him and disputing with him unnecessarily. Do not ask him about that which he prefers not be known about himself or his condition. When you meet him do not ask him where he is going for he may not want that to be known. Conceal whateve secret he entrusted to you even long after your friendship has ended. Do not speak ill of any of those he likes.
3) Yes, you should keep quiet and refrain everything disliked by your brother.
Except when speaking become obligatory because of enjoining right and forbidding wrong and you find no permission to keep quiet. Facing him with that is actually kindness in its true meaning.
KNOW that if you seek one who is free from faults, you will never find them. Your goal is one whose good qualities overshadow their bad ones.
Ibn Al-Mubaarak said: "A believer always seeks excuses while a hypocrite always seeks your errors."
Al-Fudhail said: "Chivalry is overlooking your brother's mistakes."
You must leave thinking bad of your brother and interpret his every deed as good as much as possible. The Prophet (sas) said:
ÞóÇáó ÃóÈõæ åõÑóíúÑóÉó íóÃúËõÑõ Úóäú ÇáäøóÈöíøö Õóáøóì Çááøóåõ Úóáóíúåö æóÓóáøóãó ÞóÇáó ÅöíøóÇßõãú æóÇáÙøóäøó ÝóÅöäøó ÇáÙøóäøó ÃóßúÐóÈõ ÇáúÍóÏöíËö æóáóÇ ÊóÌóÓøóÓõæÇ æóáóÇ ÊóÍóÓøóÓõæÇ æóáóÇ ÊóÈóÇÛóÖõæÇ æóßõæäõæÇ ÅöÎúæóÇäðÇ æóáóÇ íóÎúØõÈõ ÇáÑøóÌõáõ Úóáóì ÎöØúÈóÉö ÃóÎöíåö ÍóÊøóì íóäúßöÍó Ãóæú íóÊúÑõßó
Abu Huraira said narrating from the Prophet (sas) who said: "Beware of assumption for assumption is the most lying of all discourse. And do not spy on one another nor eavesdrop on one another. Do not disklike one another and be brothers. And let no man propose after the proposal of his brother until he either marries or leaves."
KNOW that negative assumptions lead one to the spying on others which has been forbidden and that concealing the faults of others and ignoring them is an attributeof the pious.
KNOW that no one's faith is complete until they love for their brother what they love for themselves. The least level of brotherhood of brotherhood is to treat another as you would like to be treated. And there is no doubt but that you hope from your brother that he would conceal and not broadcast your faults and be silent about your errors (except as described above when required). If the opposite of this were to appear from him, it would be a big deal to you, so how can you expect from him something which you do not hold yourself to in his regard?
When you seek good treatment that you yourself do not give to others, you fall under Allah's statement:
æóíúáñ áöáúãõØóÝøöÝöíäó(1)ÇáøóÐöíäó ÅöÐóÇ ÇßúÊóÇáõæÇ Úóáóì ÇáäøóÇÓö íóÓúÊóæúÝõæäó(2)æóÅöÐóÇ ßóÇáõæåõãú Ãóæú æóÒóäõæåõãú íõÎúÓöÑõæäó(3)ÃóáóÇ íóÙõäøõ ÃõæáóÆößó Ãóäøóåõãú ãóÈúÚõæËõæäó(4)áöíóæúãò ÚóÙöíãò(5)íóæúãó íóÞõæãõ ÇáäøóÇÓõ áöÑóÈøö ÇáúÚóÇáóãöíäó(6)
{Woe to the shortchangers. (1) Those who, when they take measure from people fulfill it completely. (2) But when they give measure to them or weight they shortchange it. (3) Do not these understand that they will be resurrected? (4) To a great day. (5) The day when all people will stand before their Lord. (6)
KNOW that one of the most serious cause of hatred and envy among brother is argumentation. The desire to argue (note debate or discuss in the positve sense, but argue) is each one's desire to shoe their superiority over the other in knowledge and understanding and to strip the one "defeated" in argument of these qualities. Whoever argues with his brother in this manner, attributes to him ignorance and incompetence or forgetfulness and lack of consciousness which led to not understanding things as they truly are. All of that is humiliation which dirties the heart and brings about enmity - the opposite of brotherhood.