Marriage

Islam's Ruling on Marriage

All of the scholars are in agreement that marriage is something recommended (mustahabb) and called for in Islam. Some took it to the level of obligatory (waajib) for those with the ability based on the Prophet's (sas) statement:

البخاري

مَنْ اسْتَطَاعَ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ

"Whoever has the ability should marry for it is better in lowering the gaze and guarding one's chastity. Whoever is not able, let him fast for it is for him a restraint." (Al-Bukhari)

Without doubt, marriage is part of the social agenda of Islam and the objective it to maximize marriage and to combat "singlehood" as much as possible. This means that if marriage begins decreasing for whatever reason such as exhorbitant dowries, economic injustice, etc. then these evils must be combatted in defense of marriage. If polygamy is neglected and not done sufficiently, this will create a number of single women and a situation which requires social effort to correct. Likewise, if polygamy is done to excess by some individuals, it will produce an excess of single men another situation which must be corrected. The raising of children must be done in such a way which promotes marriage and raises both men and women knowledgeable of their roles and duties within the family. All of this can be found in Allah's command to the Muslims as a whole to maximize marriage among us:

التور

{وَأَنْكِحُوا الْأَيَامَى مِنْكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ(32)}

{And marry off the single among you and the righteous ones among your male and female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrichen them from His bounties and Allah is expansive, knowing.} An-Nur:32

Benefits of Marriage

Children

• The love of Allah is sought in seeking to have children. Allah has decreed this as the means by which mankind generally and this Ummah specifically will continue to exist.  Allah said:

البقرة

{وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَنْ يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ لَا تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا لَا تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلَا مَوْلُودٌ لَهُ بِوَلَدِهِ وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالًا عَنْ تَرَاضٍ مِنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا وَإِنْ أَرَدْتُمْ أَنْ تَسْتَرْضِعُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُمْ مَا ءَاتَيْتُمْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ(233)}

{Mothers nurse their babies two whole years for those who wish to complete their nursing. Upon the one for whom the baby was born is her food and her clothing in equitable and proper terms. No soul will be emburdened beyond its ability. No mother may be harmed on account of her child nor any father by his child and the heir is chargeable in the same way. If the two [parents] decide on weaning by mutual agreement and consultation, there is no blame on them. And if you decide on a wet-nurse for your children, there is no blame on you provided you pay what you offered equitably and properly. And fear Allah and know that Allah sees well all that you do.} Al-Baqarah:233

• The love of Allah's Messenger (sas) is also sought in seeking to have children because he (sas) said:

أبو داود

تَزَوَّجُوا الْوَدُودَ الْوَلُودَ فَإِنِّي مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمْ الْأُمَمَ

"Marry the loving and the fertile for I will outdo the nations with you[r numbers].  (In another version: "...for I will outdo the prophets with you[r numbers] on Qiyama.")

With seeking children is also the seeking of the great blessing of a righteous offspring who makes du'a for you after your death or the intercession of a child who dies before reaching adulthood.

مسلم

إِذَا مَاتَ الْإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلَّا مِنْ ثَلَاثَةٍ إِلَّا مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ

"When a person dies, his works come to an end (are cut off) except from three sources: except from an ongoing charity which he established or knowledge from which benefit is taken or a righteous offspring who makes du'a for him."

البخاري

عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ أَنَّ النِّسَاءَ قُلْنَ لِلنَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ اجْعَلْ لَنَا يَوْمًا فَوَعَظَهُنَّ وَقَالَ أَيُّمَا امْرَأَةٍ مَاتَ لَهَا ثَلَاثَةٌ مِنْ الْوَلَدِ كَانُوا حِجَابًا مِنْ النَّارِ قَالَتْ امْرَأَةٌ وَاثْنَانِ قَالَ وَاثْنَانِ .

From Abi Saeed (ra) that the women said to the Prophet (sas), "Reserve for us a day." So he (sas) preached to them and said, "Any woman who had three children die will find them to be a protection for them from the fire." One woman asked, "And two?" He (sas) said, "And two [as well]."

Other Benefits of Marriage

• Protecting oneself from Shaitaan by satisfying one's desires and giving oneself rest and relief from the world by the two spouses enjoying each other's company.
• Division of labor. When one lives alone, much of his time will be taken up by cooking and tending to his domicle and will not be able to dedicate time to knowledge and other good deeds. A righteous wife is an aid to her husband in this regard. She is primarily responsible for the keeping of the house and children while he is responsible for supplying their needs. In addition to going out to seek their sustenance, he should fulfill his duties in the area of da'wah, enjoining right and forbidding wrong, jihad, etc.
• Practice of self-discipline and combatting the nafs training it in responsibility and custody by fulfilling all obligations toward one's family, being patient and forbearing with their character and putting up with their annoyances. In addition to this, the Muslim man must struggle and strive for their improvement in Islam and guiding them to the straight path of the deen. He must struggle to earn from the lawful for their sake and to participate in the raising of the children on the best of character. These are acts of very high status and of very high reward from Allah. The Prophet (sas) said:

أحمد

إِنَّكَ مَهْمَا أَنْفَقْتَ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ مِنْ نَفَقَةٍ فَإِنَّكَ تُؤْجَرُ فِيهَا حَتَّى اللُّقْمَةَ تَرْفَعُهَا إِلَى فِي امْرَأَتِكَ

"Anything you spend on your family will be a source of reward [from Allah], even a morsel of food which you raise to your wife's mouth."

مسلم

دِينَارٌ أَنْفَقْتَهُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَدِينَارٌ أَنْفَقْتَهُ فِي رَقَبَةٍ وَدِينَارٌ تَصَدَّقْتَ بِهِ عَلَى مِسْكِينٍ وَدِينَارٌ أَنْفَقْتَهُ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ أَعْظَمُهَا أَجْرًا الَّذِي أَنْفَقْتَهُ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ

"A dinar you spent in Allah's path, a dinar you spent in freeing a slave, a dinar which you gave in charity to a needy person and a dinar which you spent on your family. The greatest of them in reward is the one you spent on your family."

Afflictions of Marriage

Marriage can also represent a test or be afflicted with some harmful situations.

• The worst of them is failing to seek sustenance from the lawful. If that becomes difficult, the husband may become tempted to reach his hand into the haraam.
• Falling short with regard to the rights of women and being patient with their character and their annoyances.  In that there is a great danger because the man is the "shepherd" in the household and is to be questioned about those under his care. The Prophet (sas) said:

مسلم

إِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ لَنْ تَسْتَقِيمَ لَكَ عَلَى طَرِيقَةٍ فَإِنْ اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِهَا اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِهَا وَبِهَا عِوَجٌ وَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهَا كَسَرْتَهَا وَكَسْرُهَا طَلَاقُهَا

"Verily, woman was created from a rib and she will never stay for you on a straight way. If you get enjoyment from her, you get enjoyment while she still has her crookedness but if you insist on straightening her you will break her. And "breaking" of her is divorce."

البخاري

كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَمَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ فَالْإِمَامُ رَاعٍ وَمَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ وَالرَّجُلُ فِي أَهْلِهِ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ وَالْمَرْأَةُ فِي بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا رَاعِيَةٌ وَهِيَ مَسْئُولَةٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهَا وَالْخَادِمُ فِي مَالِ سَيِّدِهِ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ ... فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ

All of your are custodians and will be asked about your charges. The Imam is a custodian and will be asked about his charges. The man is a custodian of his family and he will be asked about his charges. The woman is a custodian of her husband's house and she will be asked about her charges. The servant is a custodian of his bosses property and he will be asked about his charges ... So all of your are custodians and will be asked about your charges. (Al-Bukhari)

• For ones family to be a distraction from the remembrance of Allah such that he spends is days and nights enjoying his family and fails to make time for his heart to ponder the hereafter and to work for it.  Allah said:

المنافقون

{يَاأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا لَا تُلْهِكُمْ أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَلَا أَوْلَادُكُمْ عَنْ ذِكْرِ اللَّهِ وَمَنْ يَفْعَلْ ذَلِكَ فَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الْخَاسِرُونَ(9)}

{O you who believe, let not your wealth nor your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whoever does that are indeed those in loss.} Al-Munafiqoon:9

Summary: Benefits and Harms

We have now summarized the possible harms and benefits in marriage. So, the ruling regarding marriage for each and every individual - as to which is better for him, marriage or staying single - is measured against these harms and benefits. Each seeker of Allah should measure himself against these factors and conditions. If none of the harmful issues are present and the benefits are all apparent such that he possesses [sufficient] wealth and good character, is a young person with a need for companionship, then there is no doubt that marriage is prefereable and must be sought. On the other hand, if many of the harms are suspected or feared and not all the benefits will occur in any case, then staying single may be preferable for a particular individual.

Considerations in Choosing a Wife

• Her religion.  This is by far the most important consideration and above all others. If she does not have good Islam, she will corrupt her husband.  The Prophet (sas) said:

البخاري

تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ

"Women are married for four: her wealth, her family, her beauty and her religion. So succeed with the one with religion, may your hands be in the dust (i.e., may you be impoverished if you ignore this warning).

• Character. Bad character is harmful to the individual and those around them.
• Beauty. This is something desireable, even if it ranks after religion in importance, because it is one of the things which makes the marriage strong and protects the man from wrongdoing.  For this reason, the Prophet (sas) ordered men seeking marriage to get a look at the woman before marrying her. Some people used to refuse to consider this nor intend it. It is reported that Imam Ahmad chose a cross-eyed woman over her sister. But this is rare and human nature is at odds with it.

البخاري

عَنْ الْمُغِيرَةِ بْنِ شُعْبَةَ أَنَّهُ خَطَبَ امْرَأَةً فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ انْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا فَإِنَّهُ أَحْرَى أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا

From Al-Mughira ibn Shu'ba that he sought to marry a woman and the Prophet (sas) said to him: "Look at her for it is more assuring that it should last between you."

• An easy (smaller) dowry. Said ibn Al-Musayyib married his daughter for two dirhams (about $2.00). The Prophet's (sas) dowries were generally much larger than that and there are no specific limits put on the dowry other than that they should be reasonable and not represent an undue obstacle to marriage.

أحمد

عَنْ أُمِّ حَبِيبَةَ أَنَّهَا كَانَتْ تَحْتَ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ جَحْشٍ وَكَانَ أَتَى النَّجَاشِيَّ ... فَمَاتَ وَأَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ تَزَوَّجَ أُمَّ حَبِيبَةَ وَإِنَّهَا بِأَرْضِ الْحَبَشَةِ زَوَّجَهَا إِيَّاهُ النَّجَاشِيُّ وَمَهَرَهَا أَرْبَعَةَ آلَافٍ ثُمَّ جَهَّزَهَا مِنْ عِنْدِهِ وَبَعَثَ بِهَا إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَعَ شُرَحْبِيلَ ابْنِ حَسَنَةَ وَجِهَازُهَا كُلُّهُ مِنْ عِنْدِ النَّجَاشِيِّ وَلَمْ يُرْسِلْ إِلَيْهَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ بِشَيْءٍ وَكَانَ مُهُورُ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَرْبَعَ مِائَةِ دِرْهَمٍ

• From Umm Habiba that she was under Ubaidullah ibn Jahsh when he went to Ethiopia ... and he died [there]. Allah's Messenger (sas) married Umm Habiba while she was in Ethiopia. An-Najashi married her to him and her dowry was four thousand and he gave her provision from his wealth and sent her to Allah's Messenger (sas) with Sharhabeel ibn Hasana and all of her provision was from An-Najashi, Allah's Messenger did not send anything to her. And the dowries of the wives of the Prophet (sas) were four hundred dirhams.

الترمذي

قَالَ عُمَرُ بْنُ الْخَطَّابِ أَلَا لَا تُغَالُوا صَدُقَةَ النِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّهَا لَوْ كَانَتْ مَكْرُمَةً فِي الدُّنْيَا أَوْ تَقْوَى عِنْدَ اللَّهِ لَكَانَ أَوْلَاكُمْ بِهَا نَبِيُّ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَا عَلِمْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ نَكَحَ شَيْئًا مِنْ نِسَائِهِ وَلَا أَنْكَحَ شَيْئًا مِنْ بَنَاتِهِ عَلَى أَكْثَرَ مِنْ ثِنْتَيْ عَشْرَةَ أُوقِيَّةً قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ وَأَبُو الْعَجْفَاءِ السُّلَمِيُّ اسْمُهُ هَرِمٌ وَالْأُوقِيَّةُ عِنْدَ أَهْلِ الْعِلْمِ أَرْبَعُونَ دِرْهَمًا وَثِنْتَا عَشْرَةَ أُوقِيَّةً أَرْبَعُ مِائَةٍ وَثَمَانُونَ دِرْهَمًا

Umar ibn Al-Khattab said: Do not become excessive in the dowries of women for if it (i.e., high dowries) were an honor in this life or piety with Allah, the Messenger of Allah (sas) would have been the first of you to do it. But I never knew Allah's Messenger (sas) to have married anyone of his wives nor to have married any of his (sas) daughters for more than 12 ounces of gold.  Abu Isa (i.e., At-Tirmidhi) said, This is a good, sound hadith ... and the "ounce" is known by the scholars to equal 40 dirhams, so 12 ounces is equal to 480 dirhams.

Just as excessive dowries are disliked from the wife's side, it is equally disliked for the man to inquire about her wealth. Ath-Thawri said: "If a man is marrying and he asks, "What does she have?", know that he is a thief."

• Virginity. Because the Lawgiver encouraged that and human nature favors it. This is because she will love her husband more and feel closer to him than a previously married woman. Human nature is inclined toward closeness to the first object of love or familiarity. It is also more favorable to his love for her because there is something which repels one from she who has been touched by others.
• Fertility. Thas she be capable of bearing children. The Prophet (sas) said:

أبو داود

تَزَوَّجُوا الْوَدُودَ الْوَلُودَ فَإِنِّي مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمْ الْأُمَمَ

• "Marry the friendly and fertile, for I will compete with the other nations with your large numbers."
• Family. She should be from a family of good religion and character.
• That she be not too closely related to her husband.  Umar ibn Al-Khattab is reported to have said:

اغتربوا ولا تضووا

"Marry afar and do not become sickly."

As we saw in the hadith, it is desireable for the man to look at the woman before marrying her. Also, the guardian of the woman should investigate the religion of the suitor, his character and his conditions for if he marries her to a man of corrupt character or of innovation in his deen, he will have transgressed against her and against himself.

A man said to Al-Hassan Al-Basriy: "To whom should I marry my daughter?" Al-Hassan said, "To one who fears Allah for if he comes to love her, he will honor her and if he dislikes her he will not oppress her."

A Look at the Obligations upon the Husband and Those Upon the Wife

As for the man, he must maintain justice and good character in twelve issues.

• Al-Waleema. The marriage celebration/feast. This is a strong sunnah and something desireable in Islam.
• Good character with his wife and patience with her irritations due to her weaknesses. The Prophet (sas) said:

البخاري

اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ وَإِنَّ أَعْوَجَ شَيْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلَاهُ فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهُ كَسَرْتَهُ وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ فَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ

Take care with regard to women. Verily, the woman was created from a rib and the most crooked part of the rib is the top. So, if you insist on straightening it you will only break it and if you leave it, it will remain crooked. So take care with regard to women.

مسلم

عَنْ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ قَالَ لَمْ أَزَلْ حَرِيصًا أَنْ أَسْأَلَ عُمَرَ عَنْ الْمَرْأَتَيْنِ مِنْ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ اللَّتَيْنِ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى إِنْ تَتُوبَا إِلَى اللَّهِ فَقَدْ صَغَتْ قُلُوبُكُمَا ... قَالَ هِيَ حَفْصَةُ وَعَائِشَةُ ثُمَّ أَخَذَ يَسُوقُ الْحَدِيثَ قَالَ كُنَّا مَعْشَرَ قُرَيْشٍ قَوْمًا نَغْلِبُ النِّسَاءَ فَلَمَّا قَدِمْنَا الْمَدِينَةَ وَجَدْنَا قَوْمًا تَغْلِبُهُمْ نِسَاؤُهُمْ فَطَفِقَ نِسَاؤُنَا يَتَعَلَّمْنَ مِنْ نِسَائِهِمْ ... فَتَغَضَّبْتُ يَوْمًا عَلَى امْرَأَتِي فَإِذَا هِيَ تُرَاجِعُنِي فَأَنْكَرْتُ أَنْ تُرَاجِعَنِي فَقَالَتْ مَا تُنْكِرُ أَنْ أُرَاجِعَكَ فَوَاللَّهِ إِنَّ أَزْوَاجَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ لَيُرَاجِعْنَهُ وَتَهْجُرُهُ إِحْدَاهُنَّ الْيَوْمَ إِلَى اللَّيْلِ فَانْطَلَقْتُ فَدَخَلْتُ عَلَى حَفْصَةَ فَقُلْتُ أَتُرَاجِعِينَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَتْ نَعَمْ فَقُلْتُ أَتَهْجُرُهُ إِحْدَاكُنَّ الْيَوْمَ إِلَى اللَّيْلِ قَالَتْ نَعَمْ قُلْتُ قَدْ خَابَ مَنْ فَعَلَ ذَلِكَ مِنْكُنَّ وَخَسِرَ أَفَتَأْمَنُ إِحْدَاكُنَّ أَنْ يَغْضَبَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهَا لِغَضَبِ رَسُولِهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَإِذَا هِيَ قَدْ هَلَكَتْ لَا تُرَاجِعِي رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَلَا تَسْأَلِيهِ شَيْئًا وَسَلِينِي مَا بَدَا لَكِ وَلَا يَغُرَّنَّكِ أَنْ كَانَتْ جَارَتُكِ هِيَ أَوْسَمَ وَأَحَبَّ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مِنْكِ يُرِيدُ عَائِشَةَ

From Ibn Abbas who said, "I wanted for a long time to ask Umar regarding the two wives of the Prophet (sas) about whom Allah said {If you [two] repent to Allah, your hearts are indeed so inclined...}" ... he said,"They are Hafsa and Aisha", then he told the stories saying: "We people of Quraish were a people who controlled our women. But when we came to Al-Madinah we found a people controlled by their women. Our wives began to learn from them. One day I bacame angry with my wife and she begain arguing with me. I criticized her for this arguing of hers and she said, Do you condemn me for arguing with you? For by Allah the wives of the Prophet (sas) argue with him and one of them may boycott him (sas) the whole day until the night. So I set out and went to Hafsa's house and said to her, "Is it true that you argue with Allah's Messenger (sas)?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Is it true that one of you may boycott him for the whole day until the night?"  She said, "Yes." I said, "She is surely in shame who does that among you and in loss. Does one of you feel safe from Allah's anger upon her for the anger of His Messenger. What if she were to die [in that state]? Do not argue with Allah's Messenger (sas) and do not ask him for anything. Rather, ask me for anything that occurs to you and do not be misled by the fact that your neighbor may be more pleasing to and more loved by Allah's Messenger (sas) than you. (He means Aisha).

• To be friendly with one's spouse including playing around with them and joking with them.  Allah's Messenger (sas) had a foot-race with Aisha on more than one occasion and he used to joke with his wives.  He said to Jabir upon hearing that he had married a mature woman (because he had been left with nine sisters as orphans):

... هلا بكرا تلاعبها وتلاعبك ..

"... Choose a [young] virgin that she may play with you and you with her..."

• That the husband be moderate in such matters avoiding both being stern and unfriendly but also avoiding being so "loose" as to fall short in his obligations as head and leader of the family or to lose respect as such.
• Moderation with regard to jealousy such that he does not become unmindful of basic principles and the dangers of temptation but also not to go to extremes in suspicion and thinking evil of his mate.

البخاري

إِذَا أَطَالَ أَحَدُكُمْ الْغَيْبَةَ فَلَا يَطْرُقْ أَهْلَهُ لَيْلًا

"If you stay away for an extended period, do not return to your family at night."

• Moderation with regard to expenses and spending on his family. He should avoid both extremes of israaf (excess) and taqteer (miserliness).
• The husband should study and learn all of the rulings of the Shari'a having to do with marriage, married life and women's periods. He should make sure his wife knows all that she needs to know in this regard and remove any innovations or deviant beliefs or practices that she may have. He should teach her what she needs to know about her monthly periods such as that if it ends one rakaat (of time) before Maghrib that she must make dhuhr and asr and if it ends one rakaat before fajr that she should pay back maghrib and isha. It is rare for women to take care of such rulings.
• If he has more than one wife, he must do justice between them. The justice which is required is in nights spent with each and what is spent on or given to each. Equality with regard to love, affection, etc. is NOT required of the husband for that is not within his control. If he is going on a trip and wishes to take one with him, he can "draw straws" to decide which one.

أبو داود

مَنْ كَانَتْ لَهُ امْرَأَتَانِ فَمَالَ إِلَى إِحْدَاهُمَا جَاءَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَشِقُّهُ مَائِلٌ

"Whoever has two wives and favors one of them will come on Qiyama with half is body twisted (or out of line)."

الترمذي

عَنْ عَائِشَةَ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ كَانَ يَقْسِمُ بَيْنَ نِسَائِهِ فَيَعْدِلُ وَيَقُولُ اللَّهُمَّ هَذِهِ قِسْمَتِي فِيمَا أَمْلِكُ فَلَا تَلُمْنِي فِيمَا تَمْلِكُ وَلَا أَمْلِكُ .

From Aisha (ra) that the Prophet (sas) used to divide between his wives and was just between them and he (sas) said: "O Allah, this is my division in that which I control  (or "own") so do not blame me regarding that which you control and I do not control."

• Nushooz (rebellion or turning away). If nushooz originates from the woman, the husband can reprimand her and require her to return to obedience. However, he must move slowly and in steps only after being sure with himself that it is not he himself who has transgressed bounds and become the cause of her misbehavior. If he is certain of this, then he should begin with only reminders and good words with guidance from the Qur'an and the Sunnah. Only if this is of no avail should he escalate to the other measures such as sleeping separately, boycotting (no more than three days), etc.
• Etiquettes of having children:
• Never rejoice at getting a boy or a girl instead of the other one. You have no way of knowing in which Allah may place the greatest good.
• Pronounce the adhan in the babies right ear and the iqama in its left right after it is born.
• Give them a good name. The sunnah is that an individual has only a single name. The rest of his name consists of his father's name which may be followed by his grandfather's name and then by the family or clan name. Nothing but the first name should ever be changed. If the name has a bad meaning such as "Abdush-Shams" (slave of the sun), it should be changed, but ONLY if it is the individual's FIRST name. The Prophet (sas) changed the names of several of the sahaba because of their negative meanings, but there was never any case where the father's name was omitted or changed even where it has a completely reprehensible meaning.  Harb ibn Abdush-Shams was one such case.  His name became Abdur-Rahman ibn Abdush-Shams.
• Al-Aqeeqah. Sacrifice two lambs for a boy and one lamb for a girl. Prepare the food and invide the Muslims to eat.
• At-Tahneek. Place some mashed date or other sweet item on the roof of the baby's mouth and moving it around with the finger to stimluate eating and make du'a for the baby. This is at 7 days, the same time as the Aqeeqah.

البخاري

عَنْ أَسْمَاءَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا أَنَّهَا حَمَلَتْ بِعَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ الزُّبَيْرِ قَالَتْ فَخَرَجْتُ وَأَنَا مُتِمٌّ فَأَتَيْتُ الْمَدِينَةَ فَنَزَلْتُ بِقُبَاءٍ فَوَلَدْتُهُ بِقُبَاءٍ ثُمَّ أَتَيْتُ بِهِ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَوَضَعْتُهُ فِي حَجْرِهِ ثُمَّ دَعَا بِتَمْرَةٍ فَمَضَغَهَا ثُمَّ تَفَلَ فِي فِيهِ فَكَانَ أَوَّلَ شَيْءٍ دَخَلَ جَوْفَهُ رِيقُ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ثُمَّ حَنَّكَهُ بِتَمْرَةٍ ثُمَّ دَعَا لَهُ وَبَرَّكَ عَلَيْهِ وَكَانَ أَوَّلَ مَوْلُودٍ وُلِدَ فِي الْإِسْلَامِ

From Asmaa (ra) I became pregnant from Abdullah ibn Az-Zubair. I left when nearing full term and went to Al-Madinah. After arriving at Quba, I gave birth there. I brought him to the Prophet (sas) and put him on his (sas) lap. He (sas) called for some dates, chewed them and then put them from his (sas) mouth to the baby's mouth. So, the first thing to enter his stomach was the saliva of Allah's Messenger (sas). Then he did the tahneek with dates, made du'a for him and asked for blessings upon him. That was the first baby born in Islam.  (i.e., in Al-Madinah and among the Muhaajireen.)

• Circumcision of boys.
• Divorce. Divorce is allowed in Islam but not encourage nor to be taken lightly. Divorce is the sole perogative of the man. If a woman desires to end the marriage but the man is unwilling to do so, she must resort to khul'a before the imam or a qadhi. A man should not surprise his wife with a divorce without any misdeed on her part. It is not allowed for the woman to force her husband to divorce without any misdeed or corruption on his part.

الترمذي

عَنْ ثَوْبَانَ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ أَيُّمَا امْرَأَةٍ سَأَلَتْ زَوْجَهَا طَلَاقًا مِنْ غَيْرِ بَأْسٍ فَحَرَامٌ عَلَيْهَا رَائِحَةُ الْجَنَّةِ .

From Thaubaan that Allah's Messenger (sas) said: "Any woman who asks her husband for divorce without any wrongdoing, forbidden to her is even the scent of Paradise." (This hadith is authentic.)

•  
• If he must divorce, he must adhere to the following:
• He must divorce her after her period is complete and before they have been together.
• He should pronounce only one divorce and take advantage of the period of ruj'a during which he can easily reverse his decision.
• To be easygoing and generous during the process, as Allah said {... or separate from them in a goodly manner...}. It is narrated that Al-Hassan ibn Ali (may Allah be pleased with them both) divorced his wife and sent ten thousand dirhams to her. Upon receiving them, she said, "A small provision from a departing lover."
• Do not disclose any of her secrets to anyone else.

مسلم

إِنَّ مِنْ أَشَرِّ النَّاسِ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ مَنْزِلَةً يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ الرَّجُلَ يُفْضِي إِلَى امْرَأَتِهِ وَتُفْضِي إِلَيْهِ ثُمَّ يَنْشُرُ سِرَّهَا

"Among the most evil people before Allah on Qiyama is a man who shares intimacy with his wife and she with him and then he exposes her secrets."

It is reported from some of the early generations that a man wanted to divorce his wife. It was said to him: "What is the problem with her?"  He said, "An intelligent man does not violate secrets." After he had divorced her, they asked him, "Why did you divorce her?" He answered, "What business have I with another's woman?".