Marriage

Islam's Ruling on Marriage

All of the scholars are in agreement that marriage is something recommended (mustahabb) and called for in Islam. Some took it to the level of obligatory (waajib) for those with the ability based on the Prophet's (sas) statement:

البخاري

مَنْ اسْتَطَاعَ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ

"Whoever has the ability should marry for it is better in lowering the gaze and guarding one's chastity. Whoever is not able, let him fast for it is for him a restraint." (Al-Bukhari)

Without doubt, marriage is part of the social agenda of Islam and the objective it to maximize marriage and to combat "singlehood" as much as possible. This means that if marriage begins decreasing for whatever reason such as exhorbitant dowries, economic injustice, etc. then these evils must be combatted in defense of marriage. If polygamy is neglected and not done sufficiently, this will create a number of single women and a situation which requires social effort to correct. Likewise, if polygamy is done to excess by some individuals, it will produce an excess of single men another situation which must be corrected. The raising of children must be done in such a way which promotes marriage and raises both men and women knowledgeable of their roles and duties within the family. All of this can be found in Allah's command to the Muslims as a whole to maximize marriage among us:

التور

{وَأَنْكِحُوا الْأَيَامَى مِنْكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ(32)}

{And marry off the single among you and the righteous ones among your male and female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrichen them from His bounties and Allah is expansive, knowing.} An-Nur:32

Benefits of Marriage

Children

• The love of Allah is sought in seeking to have children. Allah has decreed this as the means by which mankind generally and this Ummah specifically will continue to exist.  Allah said:

البقرة

{وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَنْ يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ لَا تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا لَا تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلَا مَوْلُودٌ لَهُ بِوَلَدِهِ وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالًا عَنْ تَرَاضٍ مِنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا وَإِنْ أَرَدْتُمْ أَنْ تَسْتَرْضِعُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُمْ مَا ءَاتَيْتُمْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ(233)}

{Mothers nurse their babies two whole years for those who wish to complete their nursing. Upon the one for whom the baby was born is her food and her clothing in equitable and proper terms. No soul will be emburdened beyond its ability. No mother may be harmed on account of her child nor any father by his child and the heir is chargeable in the same way. If the two [parents] decide on weaning by mutual agreement and consultation, there is no blame on them. And if you decide on a wet-nurse for your children, there is no blame on you provided you pay what you offered equitably and properly. And fear Allah and know that Allah sees well all that you do.} Al-Baqarah:233

• The love of Allah's Messenger (sas) is also sought in seeking to have children because he (sas) said:

أبو داود

تَزَوَّجُوا الْوَدُودَ الْوَلُودَ فَإِنِّي مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمْ الْأُمَمَ

"Marry the loving and the fertile for I will outdo the nations with you[r numbers].  (In another version: "...for I will outdo the prophets with you[r numbers] on Qiyama.")

• With seeking children is also the seeking of the great blessing of a righteous offspring who makes du'a for you after your death or the intercession of a child who dies before reaching adulthood.

مسلم

إِذَا مَاتَ الْإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلَّا مِنْ ثَلَاثَةٍ إِلَّا مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ

"When a person dies, his works come to an end (are cut off) except from three sources: except from an ongoing charity which he established or knowledge from which benefit is taken or a righteous offspring who makes du'a for him."

البخاري

عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ أَنَّ النِّسَاءَ قُلْنَ لِلنَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ اجْعَلْ لَنَا يَوْمًا فَوَعَظَهُنَّ وَقَالَ أَيُّمَا امْرَأَةٍ مَاتَ لَهَا ثَلَاثَةٌ مِنْ الْوَلَدِ كَانُوا حِجَابًا مِنْ النَّارِ قَالَتْ امْرَأَةٌ وَاثْنَانِ قَالَ وَاثْنَانِ .

From Abi Saeed (ra) that the women said to the Prophet (sas), "Reserve for us a day." So he (sas) preached to them and said, "Any woman who had three children die will find them to be a protection for them from the fire." One woman asked, "And two?" He (sas) said, "And two [as well]."

Other Benefits of Marriage

• Protecting oneself from Shaitaan by satisfying one's desires and giving oneself rest and relief from the world by the two spouses enjoying each other's company.
• Division of labor. When one lives alone, much of his time will be taken up by cooking and tending to his domicle and will not be able to dedicate time to knowledge and other good deeds. A righteous wife is an aid to her husband in this regard. She is primarily responsible for the keeping of the house and children while he is responsible for supplying their needs. In addition to going out to seek their sustenance, he should fulfill his duties in the area of da'wah, enjoining right and forbidding wrong, jihad, etc.
• Practice of self-discipline and combatting the nafs training it in responsibility and custody by fulfilling all obligations toward one's family, being patient and forbearing with their character and putting up with their annoyances. In addition to this, the Muslim man must struggle and strive for their improvement in Islam and guiding them to the straight path of the deen. He must struggle to earn from the lawful for their sake and to participate in the raising of the children on the best of character. These are acts of very high status and of very high reward from Allah. The Prophet (sas) said:

أحمد

إِنَّكَ مَهْمَا أَنْفَقْتَ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ مِنْ نَفَقَةٍ فَإِنَّكَ تُؤْجَرُ فِيهَا حَتَّى اللُّقْمَةَ تَرْفَعُهَا إِلَى فِي امْرَأَتِكَ

"Anything you spend on your family will be a source of reward [from Allah], even a morsel of food which you raise to your wife's mouth."

مسلم

دِينَارٌ أَنْفَقْتَهُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَدِينَارٌ أَنْفَقْتَهُ فِي رَقَبَةٍ وَدِينَارٌ تَصَدَّقْتَ بِهِ عَلَى مِسْكِينٍ وَدِينَارٌ أَنْفَقْتَهُ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ أَعْظَمُهَا أَجْرًا الَّذِي أَنْفَقْتَهُ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ

"A dinar you spent in Allah's path, a dinar you spent in freeing a slave, a dinar which you gave in charity to a needy person and a dinar which you spent on your family. The greatest of them in reward is the one you spent on your family."

Afflictions of Marriage

Marriage can also represent a test or be afflicted with some harmful situations.

• The worst of them is failing to seek sustenance from the lawful. If that becomes difficult, the husband may become tempted to reach his hand into the haraam.
• Falling short with regard to the rights of women and being patient with their character and their annoyances.  In that there is a great danger because the man is the "shepherd" in the household and is to be questioned about those under his care. The Prophet (sas) said:

مسلم

إِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ لَنْ تَسْتَقِيمَ لَكَ عَلَى طَرِيقَةٍ فَإِنْ اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِهَا اسْتَمْتَعْتَ بِهَا وَبِهَا عِوَجٌ وَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهَا كَسَرْتَهَا وَكَسْرُهَا طَلَاقُهَا

"Verily, woman was created from a rib and she will never stay for you on a straight way. If you get enjoyment from her, you get enjoyment while she still has her crookedness but if you insist on straightening her you will break her. And "breaking" of her is divorce."

البخاري

كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَمَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ فَالْإِمَامُ رَاعٍ وَمَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ وَالرَّجُلُ فِي أَهْلِهِ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ وَالْمَرْأَةُ فِي بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا رَاعِيَةٌ وَهِيَ مَسْئُولَةٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهَا وَالْخَادِمُ فِي مَالِ سَيِّدِهِ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ ... فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ

All of your are custodians and will be asked about your charges. The Imam is a custodian and will be asked about his charges. The man is a custodian of his family and he will be asked about his charges. The woman is a custodian of her husband's house and she will be asked about her charges. The servant is a custodian of his bosses property and he will be asked about his charges ... So all of your are custodians and will be asked about your charges. (Al-Bukhari)

• For ones family to be a distraction from the remembrance of Allah such that he spends is days and nights enjoying his family and fails to make time for his heart to ponder the hereafter and to work for it.  Allah said:

المنافقون

{يَاأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا لَا تُلْهِكُمْ أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَلَا أَوْلَادُكُمْ عَنْ ذِكْرِ اللَّهِ وَمَنْ يَفْعَلْ ذَلِكَ فَأُولَئِكَ هُمُ الْخَاسِرُونَ(9)}

{O you who believe, let not your wealth nor your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whoever does that are indeed those in loss.} Al-Munafiqoon:9

Summary: Benefits and Harms

We have now summarized the possible harms and benefits in marriage. So, the ruling regarding marriage for each and every individual - as to which is better for him, marriage or staying single - is measured against these harms and benefits. Each seeker of Allah should measure himself against these factors and conditions. If none of the harmful issues are present and the benefits are all apparent such that he possesses [sufficient] wealth and good character, is a young person with a need for companionship, then there is no doubt that marriage is prefereable and must be sought. On the other hand, if many of the harms are suspected or feared and not all the benefits will occur in any case, then staying single may be preferable for a particular individual.